Saturday, May 30, 2009

Time alone can heal

My good friend Jayaram lost Devika, his wife, last week after a prolonged illness. She was suffering from a kidney ailment for the last ten years and in the last few years was practically on dialysis. Jayaram did a lot for his wife and did whatever possible cheerfully. Devika’s mother had offered her kidney to her daughter for transplant, which sustained her for ten years. Jayaram has two teenaged daughters who also did their measure for their beloved mother.

I went for the funeral and there were near and dear ones grieving. It was quite touching to see the daughters literally weeping and moaning though Jayaram stood his ground for the sake of his daughters. A thought that crossed my mind was two young girls have lost their mother, the husband - his wife, and the mother - her daughter. That home will never be the same again. The kitchen will be empty, and the corner bed where Devika spent her last days, silent and still. Overnight, life changes.

Jayaram and his two daughters will continue to hear Devika’s voice, and feel her endearment and love in all they do, though she will never ever be seen again. Why (reason) and when (time) these happen are unfathomable, I tell myself.

It would sound a cliché to say that ‘Time alone can heal’, but ultimately this truth will always hold. May Devika’s soul rest in peace.

26 comments:

priya said...

Sorry to hear about your friend's wife. The days ahead are going to be daunting ones for the entire Jayaram family... you are correct, Sir... it's not easy!!!

Life is funny at times... it teaches you the toughest of lessons in the toughest of ways. I think we need more than one lifetime to even understand the why, when and how of everything she has to offer.

Wishing the Jayaram family all the strength they require to get over this moment of grief. May his wife's soul rest in peace...

Ugich Konitari said...

The mental tumult and trauma of an approaching death is what makes it so difficult, particularly when there are children and in this case , even a mother.

When their life gets back to its old routine, Devika will be more alive than ever in their memory, treasured, never to go. I hope the daughters are a great pillar of support for their father and grandmother....

May God give the family the immense strength that it will need to face a life, without Devika,,,,

Sylvia K said...

I am so sorry to learn about the death of your friends wife! Too young! and so sad! I feel so deeply for the family and the friends who will also feel the loss. May Devika rest in peace and may the Jayaram family find solace and comfort from each other and from friends.

Hopeless Romantic said...

life wld nt be same...but they mst have been prepared for it ..it was coming along all these years...may her soul live in peace..amen!

amit

SGD said...

So sorry to hear about your friend's wife's death.
Yes time is the only healer...it heals the raw wound of the loss...but the vacuum stays....

May God give strength to the young girls and your friend to bear the loss...

Midlife, menopause, mistakes and random stuff... said...

What a sad, sad story. Many stories in life as so sad, no?
Time.....
Time and faith that they will see her again is all that I know of.
Bog bless them all and I will remember them in my prayer's....

Steady On
Reggie Girl

Varunavi said...

Sorry to hear about ur friend.Yes what u said is true,that house wont be same again.Thanx to the god that jayaram's wife sufferings came to an end as she suffered for ten long years.

Very sorry for the girls,they should support their father as he lost his better half.

Kavi said...

sorry to hear sir !

Death is certain is a cliched oft repeated truth. But to see people go...is very tough...

Wishing Mr. Jayaram and his daughters a world of good wishes in a trying time.

sujata said...

Yah time alone will heal what reason cannot. Maybe things wont be the same again..but life will take its course and flowers will bloom. I wish Mr JayKumar and his two young daughters a lot of courage in these trying times.

nsiyer said...

Thanks Priya, life is so uncertain. I will convey your condolences to Jayaram and his family.
I agree with you Ugich Konitari - a great insight. I experience my late father in whatever I do.

Yes, Sylvia the family has to find its balance. I will convey your condolences.

nsiyer said...

Hello Amit(Hopeless Romantic), what you say is true. But when it happens, the vacuum is somethng that is unbearable.

You said it, SGD. vacuum is unbearable.You realise they will never be back.

Hi MMM&RS. Time and faith if they can work and bring people back.

nsiyer said...

Varunavi, that is what all of us say that atleast the suffering does not exist. The family will find their way.

Yes, Kavi, I shall tell Jayaram to read my post and accept the condolences.

I appreciate Sujatha when you say 'flowers will bloom'. Anice way to look at life when at this threshold.

Priya said...

Without Mother life will never be the same and I know that:(((

TCGirivasan@Vasan, Puducherry said...

A sad story. May GOd bless the family.

I am sure with people like you around, there is always someone whom Mr.Jayaram can look upon for a solace.

muthu said...

I am so sorry to hear about your friend's loss.

No amount of words nor any consoling can be of help but still

I pray that the family gets over this....

Sucharita Sarkar said...

Death is such a sad but inescapable part of life. We all have our own ways of coping with it, but as you said time alone can heal...

Greener Bangalore said...

mmmmm....

Priyanka Jayaram said...

Thank you Subba Uncle for kind words for my Mamma, Dad and us and our 2 Patis. And to all the unknown friends who have posted their condolences on this site. It gives us solace and makes us feel wonderful to know that there are so many who think of us at this hour.

Life has been cruel and a roller coaster ride for us. But the silver lining is that it has been preparing us for a long long time – 10 years. But what a price we have had to pay-long years of suffering for a person in the name and form of Devika, our Mamma.

What cannot be changed, they say, has to be endured. And we did it for many years. It’s now time to turn our attention on ourselves for life has to go on.

And we have already picked up the threads and have resumed back on track…and all this while Mamma will be a picture of peace…frozen on the sands of time.

Priyanka Rithika Jayaram

nsiyer said...

Thanks Priya for your comments and assertion.

Giri, by stating these words, you are putting more responsiblity on me. But thanks for those nice comments and belief.

nsiyer said...

Thanks Muthu for those comments.

Thanks Sucharita. Time alone can heal - but sometimes difficult to cope with this reality.

Thanks Greener Bangalore.

nsiyer said...

Brave and resilient is all that I can say after reading your comments, Priyanka and Rithika. My friend, Jayaram has two powerful darling girls who have expressed their sentiments beautifully through their powerful language and conversation. Kudos to Jayaram and Devika for the upbringing of their daughters.

I was truly touched by your comments, and the maturity and grit exhibited. Not so easy when one loses a dear one. I am more than confident that both of you will reach great heights which is clearly visible from the way you have decided to carry on with life. May God bless you and all the best.

Aparna said...

I pray for the family. Their lives will not be the same again but I am sure they have a lot of wonderful memories to sustain them also. Time flies, wounds heal. In the meantime they need the support of friends like you.

nsiyer said...

Thanks Aparna for your comments. I visited your blog and I enjoyed your style of writing. I will keep coming.Thanks for coming over.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

My best wishes to the entire family. What a comfort to the father and other elders in the family to know that his daughters are so mature and wise!

nsiyer said...

Thanks Roshni, I do agree.

Sandy said...

Sorry to hear the loss of your dear friend's wife hun..May Devika RIP

The memories of the ones we love live on forever

Once again this lets us know that our time here is limited and to cherish each and every moment..to be sure that each and every person we love knows how much we love them and appreciate them

Today, in Honor of Devika we should all tell at least one person how much we love them..

Sandy