When insults had class - II

Some more for one's reading pleasure.

·'I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.' - Mark Twain
·'He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.' - Oscar Wilde
·'I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one.' - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill'. Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.' - Winston Churchill, in response.
·'I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.' - Stephen Bishop
·'He is a self-made man and worships his creator.' - John Bright
·'I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.' - Irvin S. Cobb
.'He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.' - Samuel Johnson
·'He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.' - Paul Keating
.'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.' Jack E. Leonard
·'He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.' - Robert Redford
·'They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.' - Thomas Brackett Reed
·'In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.' - Charles, Count Talleyrand.
·'He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.' - Forrest Tucker
·'Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?' - Mark Twain
·'His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.' - Mae West ·'
.'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.' - Oscar Wilde
·'He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. ' - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
·'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.' - Billy Wilder
·'I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.' - Groucho Marx
.'Difference between " an accident " and " a calamity" - 'If my friend William Gladstone falls into river Thames, it's "an accident"; If he is rescued and survives, that'll be "a Calamity" for England' ! by Benjamin Disraeli