Saturday, October 30, 2010

In laws or Out laws

Recently, I had been to a clinic for my wife’s cataract surgery. Wife was a little tensed considering this was the first time in her life, she was being exposed to the surgeon’s knife. Oh! that’s rhyming – wife and knife, and both are sharp and cutting. I am taking the liberty since she can’t read at present what is being scribbled.

Now for the high drama at the clinic. An old lady was being escorted home after the surgery. We were in the reception and we saw the lady fall (plonk) down. Phew! She was accompanied by her husband, equally old, and her two daughter in laws (DIL’s). Efforts to pick her up were in vain since it was just not possible for the husband to do so alone. The DIL’s were mere spectators, and I was confident - it was intentional. The nurses and the doctors were summoned by the husband for the rescue act, and one of the DIL’s was busy chatting with a friend of hers. My mom in law (MIL) and I looked more concerned and lent a helping hand but were shooed away by the Durga Mata (Hindu Goddess who killed the demon) stares of the DIL’s.

The doctors rebuked the family for not following instructions .The old lady required rest, post anesthesia. Tring, tring …. the mobile rang and, once again, the DIL was at it explaining endlessly her helplessness to attend a kitty party that afternoon. More amusement followed. The mobile of the other DIL rang, and Gosh!, she was a super brat. Very much in her own world, she was talking about a recent hit song “Munni badnaam hui, darling tere liye”, and nearby in the sofa was the old lady with her head spinning. Looking at the happenings, I was too sure that one won’t require anesthesia with such DIL’s around.

My MIL was smiling, probably proud of her priced possession, her well behaved son in law. One good act deserves another. So I made a mental note that I should at least lift my MIL when she falls down.

Now I have to be careful about two people not reading this – my wife and my mother in law.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

When insults had class - II

Some more for one's reading pleasure.

·'I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.' - Mark Twain
·'He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.' - Oscar Wilde
·'I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one.' - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill'. Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one.' - Winston Churchill, in response.
·'I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here.' - Stephen Bishop
·'He is a self-made man and worships his creator.' - John Bright
·'I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.' - Irvin S. Cobb
.'He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others.' - Samuel Johnson
·'He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.' - Paul Keating
.'There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.' Jack E. Leonard
·'He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.' - Robert Redford
·'They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.' - Thomas Brackett Reed
·'In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.' - Charles, Count Talleyrand.
·'He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.' - Forrest Tucker
·'Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?' - Mark Twain
·'His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.' - Mae West ·'
.'Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.' - Oscar Wilde
·'He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts.. . for support rather than illumination. ' - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
·'He has Van Gogh's ear for music.' - Billy Wilder
·'I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.' - Groucho Marx
.'Difference between " an accident " and " a calamity" - 'If my friend William Gladstone falls into river Thames, it's "an accident"; If he is rescued and survives, that'll be "a Calamity" for England' ! by Benjamin Disraeli

Friday, October 15, 2010


When Insults had class. These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued....unlike now, where the art of the put-down and the come-back has been reduced to primarily questioning parentage and responding with descriptors of common bodily functions!
Have fun.

The exchange between Churchill &Lady Astor: She said, 'If you were my husband I'd give you poison,' and he said, 'If you were my wife, I'd gladly drink it.'
A member of Parliament to Disraeli: 'Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.' 'That depends, Sir,' said Disraeli, 'whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.'
'He had delusions of adequacy.' - Walter Kerr
'He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.' - Winston Churchill
'A modest little person, with much to be modest about.' - Winston Churchill
'I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.' Clarence Darrow
'He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.' - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).
'Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?' - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)
'Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it.' - Moses Hadas
'He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.' - Abraham Lincoln